I Don't Find You Happy...

Hi Friend,
Why your face is so gloomy...
I know everything is not perfect for you now..
But I am sure that you got plans to straighten it.
And more than that I know you DO have reasons to be happy too...

Think about the reason to be happy.
Trust the plans you got to straighten things out.
Wait for it to erase the pain.
If it doesn't work, we will work on plan B, OK :)

Be happy, count the happiness, wear that smile.
Because I like you smiling :)

Fear Of Failure

How many times in life we were in a situation where our thoughts confused us... We are in a situation when we are not sure about ourself. Will I be able to do it right.. Do I have the information / talent / capability to complete it... Will I be able to do it to a point to be accepted by all...

And in how many of such situation, just with the gut feeling you went ahead and did the thing. Even surprising yourself with the result....

I have only one rule when I face such a situation - try it. Even if I feel like the chances of completing it is less, just for the adrenaline rush I will go ahead ( that doesn't mean I will jump from the terrace of one building to next, this is more about the choices I need to make in daily life ). Most often I will be surprised to find a way to overcome the one last hurdle which stopped me initially.

In the book The Pilgrimage, author Paulo Coelho writes that - Once the problem is solved, it's simplicity is amazing. That is very true.

What we most often does is due to the fear of failure, which takes the best of our mind, we decide to quit. Even before trying it. Without making even a small step. Please do not do that.

There may be times when we need to talk to someone about an issue. We know that we are right. But due to the fear about how the other person will take it or that might open up a fight, often we withdraw ourself from the cause. Give a try. Try to make it less direct. If the other person shows interest and try to know deep into the issue, elaborate. May be because of the way we present, there could be chances that our voice been heard and the issue is resolved. And that chance is lost when we chose to live with the issue than raising it.

So what have you decided now...

PS : If you find this preachy, I am sorry :)

Did You Hear Me...

I am angry now. Angry on the way the world wants me to live, behave. But what its trying to teach me is not what I want to do. I am not at all accepting it.

I can not be good to someone expecting he / she will be good to me later. Or worse, I will always try to be nice to the other thinking, if I hurt him today, tomorrow when I need him he will turn me down. So, even though I am right, I need to make him feel good now. It is paining, but it's ok, it will compensated by a help later.

I can not do that. If you hurt me, if I can not agree with you, I will say it right now. Because of it, if you stopped taking to me, no more your pet / friend, will make sure I will not receive any help from you in the future, I DON'T CARE. Especially, because of an incident, one reason you disagree with me I am not going to change my view about you. Especially if you are one among I care or count. If you don't mean anything to me, or we won't meet or work again, I may not care. Because for something I will not come across again, I need not fix the issues.

At workplace too, I can not suffer everything thinking it will make my life difficult later. I know at times there may be people, because you took a stand against them, will try to make your life difficult. But you can not stop yourself fearing the consequences. Stand up for what is right.

Reason is simple. The more I like the other one, or I need to meet / work with them again, if I won't correct the differences, it will build up and will make it impossible to continue. I cannot always take the beating or blame. I will need to tell them that I am right and you are wrong, you need to correct the step. Else, the frustration inside me will build enough to destroy me, my happiness.

I know not everyone will take it right. Ego may blind them. But that is their problem. Unless they make the necessary corrective step and make life easier for both of us, things will not be right.

If you feel like it is not the way it should be, or I am a failure in making / building / maintaining relations, I don't care, I don't need to. Because it is the way I am and it is the only way I can be.

I learned a lesson in life. Except my relatives and dear friends, nobody or nothing is essential in my life. I am not living counting anybody else. I am not living thinking they will be with me forever, or the company I am working with is the only place I can find a job. If I can not cope up with it, I will try to correct it. If it is too resistant to correct, I will look for some other place I will fit in better.

KEEP AWAY From The Movie Paathshaala

I went for this movie yesterday and was terribly disappointed. Why did they made this movie...

There was a lot of things to mislead one. First being the promo song in TV. DO NOT mistake this for a funny children movie watching that song. Or the crisp choreographer Ahmed Khan is the writer of this movie should also not set the expectations.

The happy movie expectation will die the moment the credit rolls in the beginning. The newspaper cuttings of student suicide and the reality shoe cruelties will give an idea what the movie is about ( wish they show that in the trailers )

The movie basically tells ( or preach ) that education should not ever be a business, it is like a noble profession where the profit is the good future of the students and not how much money the teachers or management make. Also it tried to handle the pressure the kids are going through to make the name of the school high. Ooppss...

Wait a minute, didn't 3 Idiots try to show the issues with the current education system... But they got it right. The Paathshaala guys should first get themselves educated about it.

Shahid, Nana Patekar, Ayesha nobody has nothing to do other than setting scene for the preachy director / writer. The introduction scene of Shahid will definitely make the audience think that he is going to change the system all by himself. But the movie didn't give any indication of that. In the end title, with Shahid's picture the director tells that every school needs a teacher like him. For what... I don't know.

Miss the movie for good. It is not even worth for watching in DVD.

Happy Vishu

Today is Vishu.

വിഷു ദിനാശംസകള്‍

Another festival I am missing. Last year it was great. The first Vishu after Kunju's marriage and we all were there at home. We had Kani, great sadya and crackers at night. It was fun.

This year amma and achan are alone at home ( alone together ;) ). They are upset that we kids are not with them. May be they don't want to sit at home and watching all the Vishu celebration in the TV, they went Guruvaayoor in the morning.

I know there is no point in any festival without loved ones. I was stuck at work that was not able to take leave. From April 25th to May 5th, Irinjalakuda Koodalmaanikyam Ulsavam will be there. I can not miss it. I will be there with you acha, amma to celebrate it. I will also try to get kunju and aliyan too.

We will have a nice time and will compensate for this Vishu, mom....

Pictures are from our last Vishu.

I Am Scared...

I am scared to talk to you

I am scared I may hurt you again

I know I told the things I should have never told

I know it hurt you deep

I am ashamed about it

I do wish I can turn the time back to set the things right

Now when you are in front of me I am scared

I am scared that the devil within me will surface and hurt you again

Tell the things I never meant

And make you hurt and cry

I know you like me

I always like the way you care for me

I know I am safe when you are around

I like you too...

And now I am scared I might hurt you again, hurt you more

I know I want you back

I want to set everything right

I am ready to accept any punishment you give

All I need is you, the way you always be

I am sorry

Wish I never said that

Mumbai Se Aaya Mera Dost...

Yup, my friend has come from Mumbai. And it was a tedious but fulfilling time for me from then...

He is the first visitor to my room. Though one of my friend promised his visit, for many reason it never happened. And I was living happily in the never dusted, never moped room of mine all my own. A visitor is like a red alarm. I needed to at least show him that my room is not very bad. So I was charged in the Saturday morning on a mission : Clean the room.

I started with the laundry, arranged cup-boards ( trust me it was too difficult to arrange my shirts and books and all the other stuff there. Good thing was that I found my lost shirt deep hiding ). The dusting and moping part was next. And that was something I seldom does too. Dusting I will do once a month ( this month was already due ) and only once in the six months I ever tried to mop my house. With all the difficulty and dedication I did it. Then came the bathroom. I cleaned the floor, closet and was taking bath and found that the bathroom door is shabby. I poured water and used the detergent and brushed it clean. I was checking to see how the other side looks and found with a shock that all the water I washed the door was in my hall !
It was literally drowning. OK, I got it. Life is not letting me having things easily. I stepped down and cleaned all the water from hall and continue my bath.

His flight landed late and I need to receive him at 12:30 in the night. Poor chap was very tired and fall asleep almost instantly. There was a purpose for his visit. He is been transferred to Bangalore ( so did his wife ), and need to find a house that too today.

Today it was another funny day. We woke up around 9:30 ( my friend was in deep sleep and I didn't want to wake him up ), and after having breakfast went to do the home hunting. It was tiring, totally frustrating. The sun was hotter than any other day and we were in the sun almost all the day at 36.7 degrees. But we did find the house in our budget. It was a good spacious one and the landlord also was fine.

Then comes the things to fill in house. Furniture, TV, fridge, washing machine, the kitchen utensils, masala, toiletries, everything was purchased and delivered. Now he went to pick his wife. I am sure she will be happy to see our efforts. :)

I Just Had An Art Today....

Today I had haircut. It was very different... The one who did the cut was not a barber or hairdresser. He was an artist.

He asked me how I wanted my haircut be. I never was choosy or considerate about the way my hair looks. I mean, it never looked good, so I never bothered to correct it either. Still, to say something I asked him to cut it short, but leave some in the front to cover my ever growing forehead ;)

He started the work. He will plan for two second, cut a few hairs and then will take a break to plan next cut. And in between he will keep on clicking the scissors. He had three variety of scissors and two combs. He just shuffled them every minute. After few cuts, he will lean back and will check how his 'art' shaping up. In the middle, he gave the comb and asked me to check whether it is the way I want it. I was totally confused and told him yes it is ok. He was not satisfied and kept on cutting for some more time.

After coming home I tried various way to comb my hair to see whether there was anything special he did !!! But didn't find any :) Let me see what my friends say...

Why Do I Hurt The Ones I care...

I always wonder why I shout only to whom I care a lot.. Whom I Love... Most of the time without any apparent or sufficient reasons. WHY ????

I know that every moment of my life I can neither be happy nor cool. But instead of fixing what is screwing me up, why am I shouting or hurting the ones I value... Is it because they are a soft target or is it because I am too coward to fix the things that went wrong... I know that however bad I hurt, they will not abandon me. But that will not give me the license to hurt them. They do not deserve the pain...

It pains to see them suffers because of me... I know I hurt you... All I can say that I didn't mean it. I know I shouldn't have done that. I promise I will be careful with what I do or speak.

Now please accept my apologies....
It hurts me too....

Good Bye Keycee's...

So, that's it. Another restaurant is being closed because the lease expired. Last time it was Indian Coffee House on MG Road, but they managed to find another place nearby.

Keycee's the hot spot of many techies in the Church Street area is being closed this saturday ( April 03 ). It was a kind of place you can have food daily without burning your pocket.

Sadly, I discovered the Keycee's meals is better than the one I used to have only last week. Now I need to go back to my old place or find somewhere else. I doubt whether at the price Keycee's served me meals, anybody else will do.

I liked idli, kesari and dosa there.

Thank you for being what you were. Good Luck guys.