Wish I Could Cry...

I am full with emotions, uncertainties, fear of loss, loneliness and missing all the good things I had for granted..
I see blankness.
I can feel that the emotions are so powerful to make me numb.
All my thoughts lead me nowhere..
I am down..


I want to cry...
Cry out till I'll be settled...
I want to wash all my fear and sorrows with tears...
Want to sleep light hearted...

I can not cry in front of others.
Especially those I love, I care..
I can't make them feel that I am sad...
Because they will be sad to see me sad...
And I can not make them sad.
All I try is to make them happy, tell them, make them feel they are treasured, and give all the happiness material and emotional.
I know that what I take as love, care, happiness may not be same for them.
But that's the best I can think of...

World see me a happy guy.
Always smiling bright boy...
That's the compliment I receive...
Because that's the way I want the world to see me.
The real me... nope, only I meet him.
Always share a laugh never a tear..
I can not...

And when I feel that I am not upto the expectations....
Not the way they want me to be...
Can not keep up the demands of it...
It makes me feel sad and down...
I want to cry to wash it away...

Love..
That's the biggest strength and weakness...
And the feeling of being loved, makes me full and I want to cry...
Tears of joy...

Oh man, I want to cry, but not able to...
Wish I could cry...