Sunday, September 20, 2009

I Am Finding Myself....

When you are alone and nothing much to do, it is best time to find yourself..
Well, that's what I do these days.
Who am I ? what am I ???
I am trying to find the answer to these question.
It is not like going into deep meditation and getting Nirvana.
My life is much simpler to explore !!!
With help from my friends, I am finding out myself.

My goal is not to find the question of eternity or the cause why God sent me to this world from Heaven.
Much a simpler question, What I mean to others, especially to the ones I am close to.
And I was pleasantly surprised to see that few value me a lot as a friend, mentor and more...
I touched them the way I never thought...
It feels good to be treasured.

All these was needed when I felt that I am a loser and there is no meaning to my life and relations which I think most valued.
( But my friends didn't know till now, why I asked them to tell me what I mean to them !!! )
If someone likes me, loves me the way I behave, talk to them than the real me, me as the person I am, then what is the point...
When I do something they won't approve of or like, and that means the end of all the love, closeness, affection towards me till date, that is not acceptable.
How long one can expect me to be good to them ( though I never ever try to be intentionally, I love just being myself, thank God many like me that way ).
I am sorry, I can not act with your directions.
If you feel that is the end of story between us, I am sorry, but can't change myself or my life for you.
Better be lonely than unhappy... ;)

So if you decide I am no longer lovable, acceptable, all I can say is I am sorry, but can't help it....
And when I have a few who really love me the way I am, why should I be bothered...
And if you make it a point to leave me, fine, go ahead.
I am not asking you to return all the favours.
If you ever found me good to you, it was not becuse I expect you to be good to me, now or later.
That was the way I found you, thats why I love you.
If you love me conditionally, it is your problem, I can not make myself within your conditions all the time...

1 comment:

  1. Hmmmmmmmmmm
    This looks like a bad case of 'Why Me?!' He heh. Buddy, you do not have to change yourself for the sake of others. Just be your normal self. There are a lot of good people who accept you just the way you are. Go, listen to 'Don't go changing' by Billy Joel. :-)