Stand For Ourself

In the life we face times when we need to stand on our feet, literally. Just on our own. When the World is against us, with all its might. Everything, everyone has only one thing to say - decide against our call.

It might be the most hurting and demanding situation. We know we are right, but when the voices from all around try to tell us it is not the right thing to do, and warn that the result may be devastating, what shall we do…. It is easy to listen to others. And live in regret. Regret for playing it safe, and not giving at least a chance to stand for what we want…

The world hates change. Period. It wants everything to be going by the way it wants to. Even that means, it is against our very normal wishes, demands, rights. We are expected to bear everything that is thrown to us. Expectations not met – learn to live with less or no expectations.

Never fall in the trap. Though it may means I am making the world my enemy, I prefer to stand for what I feel right. At least, later, it will be easy for me to convince myself that I was right. May be it is too early for others to accept it. Or, I know they don’t want to see me happy, especially by living my way. So they may try to make my life horrible, but they cannot break my will and they will never succeed.

I don’t want to bear everything thinking, all will be right in the end. NEVER WAIT FOR THE END. There is nothing left after it, nothing happier, better, no heaven. There is nothing after the end, whatever we need to do; we got to do it now, this moment.

You don’t need to turn back pages to see people who stand for what they believe. Their story is not ending with Ram ya Gandhiji. The millions who stood for Egypt, Libya were fighting the good fight. They stood for what they believe, though they knew they might even be killed. My friend Batool, who voiced her support for her fellow people. Though she was away from them, though she was in a foreign land, she stood for what she felt right. I am damn sure, her name, her faith may make it difficult in the foreign land. Still she decided to face it. Singled out. Humiliated. Laughed at. She may have faced it. But she stood for her cause. That is something I respect her for.

Voice for ourselves. If not us, who else we can expect to do it. Though others may laugh at us or make our life miserable, it is only temporary. We will see it through. And later, we will never regret it. Good luck.

What's This Life For...

Creed was screaming in my mp3 player with this song ' What's This Life For... ' and I was sinking into it. And started thinking about me, my life. What is the meaning of it. Does it having any meaning at all…

There’s hardly anything that is unexpected in my daily life. It is almost picture perfect and moves in the way it was  decided to be. Even the hour of sleep is same. The food that I eat daily – almost same. The routines, the route to work and back, the things I do both at work and back in room, the people I call, meet, mail – everything is same. It is so predictive. The only occasional change will be my trip to home, but that also is almost synchronized, every other or third weekend. And that journey is also surprisingly predictable. 

Is this life… can this be called life….

WHY NOT ???? 

Everyday, I am smiling, laughing, enjoying. I been Loved. I am being a reason for somebody to smile, a light moment, to feel Loved. That is worth my life. 

I Love my life

I Am Not A Friend To All

One thing I learned ( the hard way, of course ) once I left home was I can not expect anybody to be a true friend. Though there are some exceptions to this law, most cases agree with it. True relations outside home are rare. And it will be foolish to expect somebody to be my friend because I am so for him.

Friends are the best thing you can get when you are away from home. True. But making a friend also expect something back, them being a friend to you too... And if that misses...

Losing a friend is harder than making one. If your friend behaves in a way totally opposite of what you expect will be a blow you can not handle too.

How to handle this… For me the easiest way is to avoid making friends, friends with everyone. Till I am confident about one, I prefer to call him company than friend. One of my friends had an interesting way of it. She had friends who are hand-related, heart-related and soul-related. Hand-related ones are the ones who are limited to hand-shake ! Heart-related ones are closer and soul-related ones are the ones forever. Now that’s a trick. It is good to know the ones prone to go, so that when it actually happens you will not feel bad :)

It is very difficult to find good friends now. The small town where I am coming from, I hardly know my neighbours. And in this metro, good friends are rare. Though I do have a bunch of friends I can rely on, most of the people I meet everyday, though I talk / greet them cordially, I don’t call them friends. And most of the day we spend at work and it is the rarest of places where we can find friendship! Go to office to work and never to make friends!

Saying all this, still, if I miss any of the ones I care for, I do cry…

I Promise I Will Remain Silly

I often been named / teased / 'tortured'  silly. Too silly to live in today's world. Not at all serious about life. All I bothered about is to spend time making jokes and dreaming. You will not survive a day on your own.

What's the matter guys... I may not be thinking / living like you, or most out there. Will that make me a fool ? I may not follow what is the right thing to do at any time, written by the world. I may not do all the things everybody else does, because they are conditioned / told / taught to do so. And the things I do, I may not do it the way everyone else thinks appropriate. Will that make me crazy / unfit for today ??

 

I would like to differ here. It is not intentional not to follow the folk. But most of the times, what I feel right differs from the lot. I enjoy doing it my way. Whether I succeed or not, I enjoy taking the walk on my path. If you find it foolish, you may not come with me. But never ever tell me to stop.

 

Morning my friend told me, she was told, the one she will marry should be stupid ! I told her, the world can not tolerate to see her with a smile and song on her lips all the time. As the world is too busy planning the future, safeguard their wealth, focusing on career growth, it forgets to reflect the moment and enjoy this, today. ( Hopefully they will get the relaxed tomorrow they plan today! ) More than that the world can not tolerate her being happy today. That's why they call her silly, stupid.

Hope she will not change. And I will not change myself either. I will definitely do all the things I enjoy, though everybody calls them silly ;)

Live Each Day Like It's The Last - No Way!

I often heard this; we should live each day like it's the last. We should live like there is no tomorrow and make the most of each day. Should we ???  
 
I guess that is a bit scary thought. I got plans for tomorrow as much I got for today. And a part of today I spend to shape my tomorrow. But in this process I am not missing my life today. I am living it. I find it fulfilling with the continuation I plan for the next day. My life is not so small to live in a day! I got so many things to do. Got so many people to meet. Got so much Love to enjoy. Got so much joy to share. Music. Dance. In a day - no chance, it is not enough.  
 
The last day - it could be good for this - instead of a Maruti I might buy a BMW, because I don't need to worry about the next EMI ! But my life is too short to live in a day and I don't want to squeeze it either...

If everything has to be done in a single day - if we are forced to, what will we do.... Try to live the life to the fullest, or keeping an eye on the clock to check how much time is remaining... Live it to fullest with the loved ones or worrying that the moments with them is going to end soon... 

Nope I can not think this is my last day. Because I got plan for tomorrow, next week, next vacation... God, please give me more time, I haven't had enough of life....

Being Parents !

We owe parents. For the biological, emotional, ethical reasons. For the Love, values, education, support, guidance, vision they gave. Without them we will and can not be the us we are today.

When a kid is growing up, parents shape his world. Choose the right thing, making the right decision for him. Helping and supporting him to grow big, strong and more importantly right. But is it should be forever...

Why parents pretend like they know everything, they know the best for the kids and themselves ? Why do they not stop believing they know the best all the time... They can not be.

They always want to keep the kids healthy and are anxious about them , even when they turn 50! Meanwhile why they forget that they are human too and they can fall sick too ??? If the grown up kids suggests them to go for the regular checkups, or remind them to have their medicines on time, why they hesitate... Growing with the kids doesn't mean parents are as strong and healthy as they used to be when the kids born. Faster than the kids, they grow old. They should stop pretend that they are strong and immune to everything.

My friend needed to go to native early morning. Reason : his father ignoring all the warning signs and repeated requests of him and his sister's. Thank God, it was not any serious situation and he got discharged within 24 hours. But that was avoidable. Only if he, leaving his ego, went for the regular checkups and had his medicines properly.

Parents, we Love you. We are caring as much you did to us. We are worried about your health too. What we suggesting are not to label you sick or weak. You will never know the peace of mind, a 'Fit Like Rock' report card from doctor gives us, especially when we are working away from home.

We need you. Completely. 

Take care...

Why So Serious...

Yesterday, the guy at the mess was very serious. He was lost in thought that he didn't see me coming. And when I wished him, his head turned. Though his eyes saw me, it failed to recognise me. I asked him why so serious, all he said was, we should get serious sometime.

True. Very true. We need to be serious. But do we need to remain so.. I doubt. We should never be in the serious mood for long. Especially if we end up thinking about the same stuff again and again in a circle, and not able to get out of it. We should stop thinking, should stop being serious. Only if our thoughts are flying, like one leading to the other and to the next, it is justified.

What if the situation is such that it demands us to be serious for long... Get help. When your thinking ends up in a circle, take the help of somebody. May be he/she can break the circle and get the thoughts lead in a new direction. After all, the point of being serious is to get over a difficult situation. If one is fall short of solving it, make it two.

So what you decide now.. How long you want to be serious ;)

Happy Death !

Is there a thing like peaceful death... Will anybody die with the satisfaction of living the life full ? A painless, smooth, lucky (!) death...

These questions came to my mind when I heard about the sudden dismissal of my friend's grandpa. He was saying, grandpa didn't spend many days at hospital, he was not in pain, he met all this Loved ones the day of his death. Will that make it a lucky death ??? I don't think so.

In my opinion, nobody will leave this world happy, content. Including the ones who kill themselves. They are killing themselves not because they had everything is life and nothing more they need or expect from life. Mostly because they are not able to see a future the way they want or they don't have any more expectation in life, at least at that moment. So they are not dying happy either.

How can one leave this world happy... When there is something exciting happens everyday. A new member adding to the family. The happiness in seeing a new day itself. The celebrations or moment you were waiting for a long time. Happiness is never ending and more exciting each time. If you seen three generations after you, will you be content... You might want to see the baby from the third generation grow.. Or want to see the forth... You may call it greedy, but I will call it the way of life. Ever ready to embrace the new day. To enjoy the happiness and dreams it brings everyday.

My motto - Live this moment. There may be a hundred reason to feel tensed and sad now, but I will concentrate on that silly thing which will make me happy :D From within....

Let's Make Our Own Paradise

നമ്മുക്ക് നാമേ പണിവതു നാകം, നരകവുമതു പോലെ

These two lines can be translated as ' We build our Heaven so do hell'. Well, I have another view about it. In my opinion, our heaven or hell, we SHOULD build it. Only then we will have have a content life and can say I am living my life.

I hate when some order me what to do, how to live etc. Others can suggest. They can disagree. Never ever can tell me how to. As long as nobody else can read my mind, decide my thoughts, set my goals/dreams, CAN BE ME, better leave my life to me.

When you say the restaurant / the food I had is of bad choice, especially when it is my regular place, you are forgetting one thing. I go there, I have it because I like it. You don't like it doesn't suggest nobody else should. I hate gopi dishes, but that's a fast moving item. I hate it doesn't make it bad. It is high time you need to appreciate and respect other's choices.

You can ask/order/suggest a kid on its every step. Me, better leave my life to me. Thank You.

Stop And Reflect

We are busy. Very busy. Neck deep in work, commitment. Engaged every moment. 24 hour is not enough. Dreams hijacked by work, maybe it’s coding, design whatever it is.

Well, one of my friends is hospitalised. Reason –I don’t know. But he is hospitalised. Though it may not be the best way, but he is getting a break !

I didn’t realise how fast I was moving my life till I was hospitalised. Was down with Typhoid for four weeks, of which two I spent in hospital. Too weak to move my body, let alone tension about work. It was like a compulsive break but it worked. It was then I realised the importance to slow down and give importance to life as much as to work.

Now, my life is better balanced. I am able to do better at work. Though still at times work eats into my dreams, it is far less frequent. I am happy. My boss is happy (?)

Stop and reflect your life. Do not wait for your chance to get hospitalised! Good Luck

Watch Your Step : You Might Have Missed A Happy Moment

We all look high. Only those flashy, mammoth, screaming things will get our attention. And most often what we find will be disturbing or annoying. We miss to see the little things in life. Which were always there, trying to get our attention with their little glow. But we are too over occupied with our worries and frustration that we miss happiness in smaal things.

These thoughts came to me when I had a close look at the coins in my wallet. I am sure you will also seen them. Pocketed them. And gave away. The only thing that might have grabbed your attention will be the digits on it which shows its value. Have you even stopped to notice the different pattern of the hand in them... I admit the photo is bad ( the flash was reflecting on the shiney surface, and without flash it was too difficult to see it. This picture is touched) but you can see the pattern there. Do you feel like appreciating the brilliance of the guy who designed it...

Like this, most of the happiness in our life is also goes unnoticed. The happiness hardly scream its presence. And we conviniently ignore them. Watch your step - stop to see and appreciate the happiness in your life. Enjoy the little moments and live life full.

I can do that. You also can. Good Luck.

Let Our Children Make The Roads Better !

A Child Makes The Man.

It is true. One will grow to the rules and ideas he made as a kid. So it is important to give them proper insight, training and a sense of duty while driving. Because the kids will learn and repeat what their parents or elders do. It is clear that we can not much about the drivers already on wheel. At least if the next generation learns some better manners they will have an easy life on road!

This thought came to my mind when I was waiting for green at the Koramangala signal and this guy on bike, through the left side jumped red. Worse, he was not wearing helmet. The kid whom he was dropping may be getting late to school. But he is getting an idea that jumping red is not a sin.

At least when with the kids, let us be good driver. Promise ourself that
We will not jump red
We will not ride on footpath
We will not honk unnecessarily
We will follow line discipline and when need to take turn or change lines will use blinker
We will not break the one-way rule
Never drink and drive
Never park in a way to disturb the traffic
Will not drive in the wrong side
Will always use dim light, at least when we see a vehicle in the opposite direction we will make it dim
Always park with the parking lights on in the night
Will always use seat belt / helmet
When we walk, will use the footpath and will not cross roads at every space available

If you follow the rules, your kid also will do the same. Imagine he is with his uncle and when the uncle jump a red he say - ' Hey my papa will never do that '...
Don't you beaming with pride already :)

Self Realisation For Others - A.K.A Me As I See

This is more of a self portrait. The way I am. Or, the way I want you to see me. Some facts, some infatuations. May be the way I want myself to be.

I am friendly. But do no mistake it for a friend.
I am very particular about privacy. Respect my space. Please do not come very close.
I am a dreamer. Who dreams a lot and believe in it. Most of my efforts are to make my dreams to be true.
Very protective about my Loved ones. Will never let them go.
Never be in sad for long. Once something comes, will find a way to overcome it and let the plan work.
Though I may not tell you the truth, I seldom lie.
I like buying gifts. Not only for my loved ones, to myself too.
Impulsive. Do things which I fell right and at once.
Prefer to give my 100% to the responsibilities I take. So am reluctant to take any.
Often mistook for being 'Always smiling bright boy'.


This space might update later. Don't be shocked to see an all new and different me then! People may not change, but the circumstances do.

Life Lessons - 1

I had a friend when I was doing my diploma in Mohali. We were in same team and were good friends. One day, after lunch she and her roommate were coming out of the women's room laughing. I jokingly asked her to share the joke. Her friend said it is a ladies' joke and can not be shared with boys. Then after a minute of thinking she challenged if she is a true friend of mine she will share it.

My friend did told me the joke next day and I felt it was too silly to be called a girl's joke, considering the 'standard' of our boy's only jokes. But, there came the twist. Her roommate stopped talking to her, because she betrayed her ! I felt bad and offered to help in patching up between them. But my friend was so strong that I should not do that. And the thing she added was my lesson...
When I came to Mohali, I never thought I will meet her or I will be her friend. I am not entirely dependent on her. If she feels like it is not worth being my friend let her go away. We can not force anybody.

Though it's been a while I learned it, it comes handy when I find myself stranded.

I Am Sorry, But You Are NOT Welcome...

How many times you found yourself in a horrible company when the other one is keep on asking questions you would not even discuss with friends... I hate when others cross the line and getting into the comfort zone. I respect my privacy. So much that I prefer not to start a conversion with strangers and even with the guys I meet everyday, I do have limits about the topics I discuss.

Two weeks back, on my way back to Bangalore this guy was my co seater. He started with the town I am coming from, then about the college I studied, then the year of pass out... I asked him to stop. He got the point and remain silent, but only for a moment. At last I was forced to tell him that he is not my friend and he can not expect me to talk open with him. That did the trick.

Why we are not at all bothered about others privacy... May not be your neighbour or friend or you may not even know his name, but if you meet someone twice, then he has the license to ask you all kind of weired questions. How old are you, where you work, how much you earn, are you married, if not, why so, if you are married, about kids, their schooling and all... They even want to know about each and everyone in your family and neighbourhood.. CRAP. How many times I needed to excuse from such 'respected elderly' people. If you answer them that it is none of your business ( of course in a gentle way ) you will be treated as a disgrace to family. And all the neighbourhood will mark you indecent. I won't give a FU@&.

So if you ever cross my way, please remember to talk decent. We can talk about movies, music. But never about ME, if you are not my friend. Guess you got the idea. Thank You...

When There Is No Fun In Life...

Have you ever felt like there is no fun in life and no point in looking forward for the tomorrow... I wish you never had. In case you ever felt that way, don't worry. It is just a passing phase and you will definitely pass it, fast. I am here giving you some tips to make the waiting period short and less paining.

1) Change your world. If you can - shift home, change job, keep away from bad influences ( in and out of work ), gossip group etc. If you can not, rearrange it. Like add music to work. Studies shows that if you listen to music on earphone, it will increase concentration, productivity, mood-lift. It will cut off unnecessary distractions like howls, shouts, laughs from near cubicles and calls for gossip. Give it a try.

2) Music always adds fun - But be careful about the music you choose. Being a metal fan, do not try raagas for the effect. In fact, metals can be a good tool for mood lift. Play it loud and sing louder. Studies shows that singing part will help you get out of the non-fun mood faster. You can try Eminem too. It will make you feel that your state is not as bad as his :)

3) Movie / TV show - It is a good idea. Studies shows that watching your favorite movie again will have a better impact than trying something new. Or shows like Tom N Jerry will also be a good idea.

4) Game - Gaming is a great idea. Especially because it will be in a complete different world. And in that virtual world, you always will be a winner. EVERY game is designed to make the player the winner. And you can choose your world there. Studies shows that being a winner and the omnipotent ruler / designer of
the ( virtual ) world, stress levels can be beaten and a new power, energy will fill you.

5) Try 'it' ( you know what ) - 'It' can help beat stress. If you are single, don't worry much. Let your fantasy flow. And be the Casanova ya Helen of Troy and let the others follow you. You are in total control of your world here too. So give it a shot or two, and let the happy hormones do their job.

6) Make a call - There is someone you can always bug. So make the call. Eat his / her head till your mood is lifted. The poor soul on the other end will play to your tunes and will make sure you hung up happier.

7) Books - Be sure that you want to do it ! Else books will make your situations worse ! Read what you like to read - even if it is not the first time read. Or have something filled with pictures you like to see, car, bikes film stars, babes...

8) Day dream - studies shows this could be the best tool to elate your mood. You can choose the role play where you will fight against the reasons for your boredom / frustration. And here again, you are in total control. You can shout at your boss and he will say sorry for whatever made you feel bad ! Sometimes this role play will give you some more insight and even solution to the problems. But make sure you are having a good dream and not nightmare !

So what are you waiting for. It is ok to be angry / down / frustrated. Find the reason for it and a plan to sort it out. Then leave the mood and continue with other good things in life. It is ok to be disturbed, but never ever should hang on to it. Find a way, make it work and then forget it. You don't need to follow it every moment.

PS : All the above mentioned studies are done by me on me. No guarantee. Results may vary from person to person. Following it, if you get screwed more, like you got fired for listening to music at work, all I will do is say sorry.

Another Page In My Adventure Book !

What is fun in living a life well-defined. I prefer it spontaneous, exciting and fun. Full of twists, uncertainty about what might happen in the next minute - living on the edge!!!

I go home mostly twice in a month. It is like a routine. I just need to get into the reserved bus / train and wait for it to reach Bangalore. This weekend life had a different plan... Full of excitement and fun. Adventurous :)

It was Koodalmanikyam Ulsavam and I took Monday off. Because of the project schedules, I was not very sure whether I will be able to take the off, so I had ticket for both Sunday and Monday. When I was sure of the leave I cancelled Sunday's ticket.

The twist and excitement started on Monday evening. I checked the ticket and was ready to leave home to Thrissur to get the bus at 6:30 as it will take about an hour from Irinjalakuda to Thrissur. And the 7:30 bus will never come on time and mostly will be late by at least 45 minutes; I was not at all in a hurry. Just for the sake of it I checked the date and found that the ticket was for Sunday ! Though I cancelled the ticket, I took that ticket with me ! Immediately I checked the time of the Monday bus online and found that it had already left Thrissur at 6 :15. Ooopppss...

I called Kallada Irinjalakuda and knew that their bus had just left and they suggested catching the bus from Thrissur. Adrenaline rush ! I was on my way to Thrissur in no time. I had 30 minutes to reach Thrissur. Within 15 minutes it crossed half distance and I was confident that I will make it. Then the next twist and boost to the excitement - an accident happened and the road was blocked ! It took almost ten minutes for the bus to cross the spot and I was late for the Kallada.

I tried to get an auto but none of them was empty. It was a long time I ran in the roads of Thrissur, and I just had that experience again ! Thankfully, there was some issues they needed to sort out with the bookings and I was able to catch Kallada. The journey in cabin seat... But the first driver was particular that he can not sleep in the place in the cabin and he went inside to sleep on floor. Not wasting my opportunity I slept in cabin :)

Though most ( in fact all ) of the guys who heard this story blamed me for being careless. But was I ??? I know I spent 530 extra for the Kallada ticket. That, the 24th hour rush, jogging in the streets of Thrissur - that might have made them think so. But for me, I had fun. And it was worth every paisa I spent, well.. Almost.

I Don't Find You Happy...

Hi Friend,
Why your face is so gloomy...
I know everything is not perfect for you now..
But I am sure that you got plans to straighten it.
And more than that I know you DO have reasons to be happy too...

Think about the reason to be happy.
Trust the plans you got to straighten things out.
Wait for it to erase the pain.
If it doesn't work, we will work on plan B, OK :)

Be happy, count the happiness, wear that smile.
Because I like you smiling :)

Fear Of Failure

How many times in life we were in a situation where our thoughts confused us... We are in a situation when we are not sure about ourself. Will I be able to do it right.. Do I have the information / talent / capability to complete it... Will I be able to do it to a point to be accepted by all...

And in how many of such situation, just with the gut feeling you went ahead and did the thing. Even surprising yourself with the result....

I have only one rule when I face such a situation - try it. Even if I feel like the chances of completing it is less, just for the adrenaline rush I will go ahead ( that doesn't mean I will jump from the terrace of one building to next, this is more about the choices I need to make in daily life ). Most often I will be surprised to find a way to overcome the one last hurdle which stopped me initially.

In the book The Pilgrimage, author Paulo Coelho writes that - Once the problem is solved, it's simplicity is amazing. That is very true.

What we most often does is due to the fear of failure, which takes the best of our mind, we decide to quit. Even before trying it. Without making even a small step. Please do not do that.

There may be times when we need to talk to someone about an issue. We know that we are right. But due to the fear about how the other person will take it or that might open up a fight, often we withdraw ourself from the cause. Give a try. Try to make it less direct. If the other person shows interest and try to know deep into the issue, elaborate. May be because of the way we present, there could be chances that our voice been heard and the issue is resolved. And that chance is lost when we chose to live with the issue than raising it.

So what have you decided now...

PS : If you find this preachy, I am sorry :)

Did You Hear Me...

I am angry now. Angry on the way the world wants me to live, behave. But what its trying to teach me is not what I want to do. I am not at all accepting it.

I can not be good to someone expecting he / she will be good to me later. Or worse, I will always try to be nice to the other thinking, if I hurt him today, tomorrow when I need him he will turn me down. So, even though I am right, I need to make him feel good now. It is paining, but it's ok, it will compensated by a help later.

I can not do that. If you hurt me, if I can not agree with you, I will say it right now. Because of it, if you stopped taking to me, no more your pet / friend, will make sure I will not receive any help from you in the future, I DON'T CARE. Especially, because of an incident, one reason you disagree with me I am not going to change my view about you. Especially if you are one among I care or count. If you don't mean anything to me, or we won't meet or work again, I may not care. Because for something I will not come across again, I need not fix the issues.

At workplace too, I can not suffer everything thinking it will make my life difficult later. I know at times there may be people, because you took a stand against them, will try to make your life difficult. But you can not stop yourself fearing the consequences. Stand up for what is right.

Reason is simple. The more I like the other one, or I need to meet / work with them again, if I won't correct the differences, it will build up and will make it impossible to continue. I cannot always take the beating or blame. I will need to tell them that I am right and you are wrong, you need to correct the step. Else, the frustration inside me will build enough to destroy me, my happiness.

I know not everyone will take it right. Ego may blind them. But that is their problem. Unless they make the necessary corrective step and make life easier for both of us, things will not be right.

If you feel like it is not the way it should be, or I am a failure in making / building / maintaining relations, I don't care, I don't need to. Because it is the way I am and it is the only way I can be.

I learned a lesson in life. Except my relatives and dear friends, nobody or nothing is essential in my life. I am not living counting anybody else. I am not living thinking they will be with me forever, or the company I am working with is the only place I can find a job. If I can not cope up with it, I will try to correct it. If it is too resistant to correct, I will look for some other place I will fit in better.